Anthony, that name alone makes so many feelings rush through my mind. Some are bad, but most are good. It’s been two years since I first met you. I remember the first time I saw you, I was on my way home from UNM and you were the bus driver. I saw you almost every day at 3:40pm. It was the highlight of my day most of the time. If I had a hard day at school I looked forward to seeing the “cute bus driver” on my way home. I slowly developed a crush on you and desperately wanted to talk to you. However, my morals got in the way because I was in a relationship at the time, I also thought that you were married. I thought to myself, “there’s no way someone that attractive can be single.” So, with that in mind, I stopped paying attention to my feelings that were building for you. It wasn’t until I fell out of love with my now ex fiancé that I started paying attention to those feelings again. Facebook was also super creepy, and you popped up on my “People you may know.” I finally learned your name. I always knew you as A. Garcia because that was the name on your uniform. Until I learned your name, I felt like I was crushing on a mystery man with no name. Upon learning your name, I saw you the next day on my way home and got the courage to ask you if your name was Anthony. I then mentioned that you popped up on my Facebook, and you told me to send you a request. In that moment, I felt butterflies in my stomach, and I couldn’t stop smiling.
When we started talking to each other via Facebook I was incredibly happy. The only thing that ruined my mood was my ex fiancé not accepting that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I attempted to break up with him on several occasions, but he would manipulate me into staying with him. I was no longer in love with him, but he didn’t seem to understand. I knew I wanted to be with you, but due to a lot of unfortunate circumstances I couldn’t. I remember the first time we ever hung out, we went to Century Rio 24 to watch “How to be Single.” We then went to Wendy’s after because I was hungry. I remember thinking to myself, “is this real? How can I possibly be on a kind of date with the ‘cute bus driver?’” The butterflies were back, and I couldn’t stop smiling again like before. Things were going well with you and I. We talked every day, and we both started to develop feelings for each other. Hearing from you was the highlight of my day. All our cheesy conversations that would make me laugh. Our sweet but completely obvious flirting are my favorite memories. I remember saving some of our conversations on my phone just, so I could look at them any time I needed a smile. I wanted more, but I still had a huge piece of baggage that I needed to take care of. I went to your house for the first time shortly after something horrible had happened to me. I needed an escape from my own house because he was there. You and I watched Austin Powers, and for just a few hours I felt like everything was good, and that nothing had happened to me. I wanted more of that, so I tried to spend as much time I could with you as humanly possible. I remember our first kiss. Call me dramatic, but that was one of the most magical moments of my life. I remember feeling anxiety because I wanted to kiss you, but I feared that I wouldn’t know what I was doing and make things weird. But thankfully, it wasn’t like that. I felt sparks and my stomach was full of butterflies. I was incredibly happy I still couldn’t believe I had kissed the “cute bus driver” it felt like a dream. Everything was perfect in my eyes. Then after some time we had our first fight. I remember feeling intense anxiety. My anxiety was so bad I felt sick to my stomach. I thought I had ruined my chances with you, so I began to feel extreme sadness. Luckily, we resolved the fight the same night and decided to finally start dating, just dating not an official relationship yet, but shortly after we made that decision, we became a couple. Things moved quickly once we made our relationship official. We went on a trip together, I was there for your knee surgery, and I knew I loved you by December of 2016 but didn’t want to admit it to myself, much less you. The first time I told you I loved you was a month later over text when you were drunk, and I knew you wouldn’t remember. The following day, you came over and I desperately wanted to tell you in person, but the words wouldn’t come out. When you decided to leave my house, I stopped you and once again tried to tell you. I sat in your car with you and you waited for me to tell you, but then you said it for me. I felt so embarrassed because the words couldn’t come out, but I felt relieved you knew how I felt, and I was lucky because you said it back. I moved in with you after 9 months of dating. I remember feeling excited but uncomfortable. It was a huge step and I wasn’t sure if I had made the right decision. The first few months of living together went well, unfortunately, we learned each other’s flaws that we didn’t like. Like they say, you don’t really know someone until you live with them, and that was the truth. There were things that you did I didn’t like and vice versa, but we made slight changes for each other. I felt uncomfortable addressing the house as “ours” because to me, it wasn’t. To this day, I still feel a little uncomfortable saying it, but I’ve slowly made myself at home by adding pictures and a few homey touches to the house. We may have our ups and downs, but I love you so much. I honestly don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t come into my life. I’m grateful for all our good times and even our bad. We may not be the perfect couple, but what couple is? We may fight and get upset with each other, but our love is strong enough to withstand so much. Like someone very important told me, “when you finally meet someone who tries their hardest to be with you no matter how difficult you are, stay with them. Stay with them because finding someone who is willing to be with you at all cost doesn’t happen every day.” I don’t intend on going anywhere. I hope you don’t either. I look forward to the future, and to have more fun adventures with you.
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