One of my favorite things to do in my free time other than write blog posts is watch YouTube. I have my own YouTube Channel, but I haven’t posted on it in years. However, I do subscribe to very few channels because I love their content. I susbscribe to Blogilates, Amber Leitz, Markiplier, and The Game Theorists. These four channels are completely different, well, actually Markiplier and The Game Theorists are somewhat similar, but they do show different content. I never liked subscribing to YouTube channel’s because I hated getting notifications of videos I really didn’t care about. When I actually subsribe to a channel I really like your content.
Blogilates is ran by Cassey Ho. Cassey, is a fitness instructor, and entrepreneur. Not only does she post work out videos, she also posts yummy healthy recipes, and even talks a little bit about mental health. I love Cassey’s videos. To me, her videos give me hope that with a little bit of hard work I can be the “Me” I want to be. I love trying her recipes and posting them on my social media. I’ve written about Blogilates in one of my first blog posts. I used to work out to Cassey’s PIIT28 work outs every day. Since then I’ve gotten lazy, but I still love watching her videos because she has so much to offer. Amber Leitz is an erotic coach. Before you jump to slut shaming Amber, and her subscribers, just remember sexuality is natural and stop being rude to people who aren’t afraid to express themselves! Amber’s videos aren’t inappropriate. She doesn’t post videos of her having sex or doing anything you can view on a porn website. Her videos consist of advice for you and your partner to experience extreme intimacy. She also reminds specifically women, but men too that self love is key to experiencing the most in every relationship. I think what made me love Amber so much is that she isn’t afraid to express herself. Being a sensual person isn’t a bad thing and because I started watching her videos, I now realize that I am a goddess and should be treated as such. I feel empowered watching her videos, and if you don’t like it, who cares? Markiplier is probably my favorite YouTuber ever! Most of Mark’s videos are gaming videos. I actually got into watching his videos recently because I have this weird obsession with Five nights at Freddy’s. Mark is the self proclaimed “KING OF FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S!” I would have to agree with him because he has beaten every game and unlocked all the secrets to each game. Watching his videos is what I love to do when I need a good laugh. He is hilarious! If you have never seen Markiplier play games, especially scary games, you need to! I feel I can relate to him while playing any game because I randomly yell and talk to myself while gaming. I could write about him all day, but I guess I better go on to The Game Theorists. The Game Theorists is ran by MatPat and his wife Stephanie. This channel is what the name implies. This channel is about game theories. I originally started watching their video’s because of my crazy obsession with Five nights at Freddy’s. His theories are actually interesting to watch. (Especially FNAF theories, in my opinion.) He puts a lot of research into his theories and some of his theories have been confirmed. I like this channel because it challenges my brain. It really makes me think that maybe the story in the games I play aren’t actually what the creator intended to share. “But that’s just a theory, A GAME THEORY!” -MatPat These four channels make YouTube beneficial and fun for me. I really love what these channel’s have to offer and if you are interested in viewing some of their videos here are their links! https://www.youtube.com/user/blogilates https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_tB2h4C9VeXPUA6f84UDSg https://www.youtube.com/user/markiplierGAME https://www.youtube.com/user/MatthewPatrick13
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On Wednesday June 13, 2018 we put down our beautiful Pitbull Blu. Blu was diagnosed with skin cancer. She had a massive tumor on her lower belly. Anthony, Kris, and I had to make an extremely difficult decision. In the end, it all came down to Anthony's final decision. We all knew that treatment would be outrageous and removing the tumor would be difficult because of the size of it. We all knew the most logical decision was to put her down. Anthony had Blu for 8 years and losing her was very hard for him. Blu had been there for Anthony through all the rough periods of his life, and seeing my boyfriend so distraught killed me inside. I knew I wanted to do something for him so he could potentially feel better. I decided to print out a picture of her when she was healthy, and make a dog tag for her kind of as a memorial. The Sunday before that Wednesday he broke down and I couldn't hide my surprise from him any longer. I gave him the picture, and told him I was getting a dog tag for her too. The gift seemed to alleviate pain. I felt a sense of relief knowing he was happy even for a few minutes. Losing a pet is like losing a family member, and I could see that every time Anthony would break down. I was so focused on making Anthony feel better I hid my feelings. We decided to take Blu to the river the day before. She normally loves the river and would go crazy in the water, but the cancer had spread to her feet and she was uncomfortable moving in any way. She did eventually get in the water and played around for a few minutes but then got out. I took a lot of pictures of Blu that day. I wanted to remember her on her second to last day with us. I took this picture of her and Anthony because it was a beautiful moment to capture. The next day was on of the hardest for not only Anthony, but Kris and I as well. Blu was more than a dog to all of us. Even my mom had a hard time saying goodbye to Blu. My mom was never a fan of Pitbulls, but my mom connected with Blu instantly. Blu may have not been my dog, but I feel in the almost 3 years I knew and loved her she was my dog too. I kept my composure around Anthony because I wanted him to feel safe to cry without my adding to his pain, but the day after I was a wreck. I had flashbacks of the experience. One thing I appreciated was before injecting her they let her have Peanut Butter, Chocolate, and Cheese. She was so happy. We took Blu's body and buried her. We decided to make Blu's grave pretty so we planted some Petunias over her grave. Losing Blu has to be one of the hardest things that has ever happened to us. But I'm just glad she is no longer in pain. She was a great dog, and she will be greatly missed. We love you Blu you will never be forgotten!
You were the friend I always wanted. You listened to me, gave me great advice, when you were around I didn’t feel alone, you always knew how to make me smile, but like all good things, our friendship, came to an end. Losing you, was one of the hardest moments in my life. To this day, I wish things had never gone wrong. Most days, I don’t think about you, but when I do, I can’t help but cry. I fear running into you because I know my heart will sink into my stomach. I hate myself for missing you, because no matter what our friendship can never be. I wish this weren’t the case, but unfortunately it is. We are toxic for each other. What hurts me the most is all our amazing memories together, but I need to realize it was all an illusion. I let my feelings get the best of me, and in the end, I saw who you truly were. I don’t hate you, I hate that I let myself believe you were my friend. I was so desperate to have a true friend, I didn’t see passed your mask. I wish I could let you go, but I can’t. Unfortunately, there will always be a part of me that still cares. Maybe in time, I will have the courage to let you go, but until that day comes, just know, I loved you.
I am a people pleaser. My goal in life is to make everyone in my life happy, but my problem is I don’t do anything to make myself happy. I like to consider myself a heartless, selfish, person but in reality, I will do anything and everything for the people I care about. I would rather be miserable if that meant that my loved ones are happy. And you know what, it’s a horrible habit to have. I am prone to be taken advantage of because I will say yes. Take my past engagement for example. I was 17 years old and I had told my boyfriend at the time, that I didn’t want to ever get married because of seeing so many failed marriages. To my surprise, a week later, he proposed to me in Disneyland in front of the castle. In my head, I screamed “NO!” But out loud, I said yes. I feel if he hadn’t done it in such a magical place I would have said no, but due to the circumstances I felt obligated to say yes. I couldn’t imagine how he would have felt if I had told him no in front of all those people. I was engaged for 3 years and the entire time I knew I had made the wrong decision. I was willing to settle, because my mom and I had put so much money into the wedding, and every time I tried to tell him I didn’t want to marry him he would manipulate me and convince me to marry him. It wasn’t until he raped me, that I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I can give so many more examples of my people pleasing but this one takes the cake. I never thought people pleasing was bad until this happened with my ex. I think I have calmed down since then, but then again others may say differently. I know I need to control my people pleasing, but it’s not easy when you constantly want to be perfect. A big fear of mine is disappointing those I care about, and it seems the harder I try not to disappoint the more I am likely to disappoint. Luckily, even with my low self-esteem I still have people who love me, and that is the fuel I am using to stop this horrible habit!
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DreaAlways remember to love yourself. Archives
November 2022
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