This is a trigger warning for the following blog post. Read at your own risk. Protect yourself, friends. Friday was an interesting day. First off, it was Friday the 13th (where are all my spooky people at?). Second, I had a fundraiser for work I had to attend. Third, I got horrible news on my way to said fundraiser. Well, to make a long story short, later that evening I had a horrible anxiety attack. My anxiety was so high it prevented me from sleeping. I desperately tried to shut off my brain and get some sleep but no matter what I tried I couldn't sleep. My brain took me to horrible places and I tried to fight the negative thoughts flooding my brain but I failed to redirect my automatic thoughts. Well, I noticed my knife had fallen from my side table to the carpet next to the bed. I stared at it for a few minutes then something horrible popped up in my head. I seriously considered getting my knife, going to the bathtub, and slitting my wrists. Immediately, I caught myself and told myself to "stop!" Tears filled my eyes and began to run down my cheeks. I told myself again out loud to stop. The thoughts lingered so I decided to get up and call my best friend. Estevan knows how to calm me down and snap me out of situations like this. I called him and no answer. I knew I couldn't just go back to my bed and lie down because I feared I may do something stupid so I looked through my phone and called another friend of mine, Luci. I woke her up, but thankfully she answered. Luci asked what triggered the attack and calmed me down. She gave me great advice that night. She told me: "Dre, don't do permanent damage for something that is temporary." Upon hearing that my thoughts started to slow down. She also reminded me that even though I felt alone that I am not alone. I have people who love and care about me that will support me in my time of need. A lot of the time people just don't understand what it's like to have anxiety. Luci helped me that night and calmed me down enough to try to get some sleep. I am sharing this because I know I am not the only one who has struggled with such bad anxiety that they believed ending their life was the only way out. I'm here to remind you to not do permanent damage for something that is temporary. Anxiety attacks suck, and they may seem like they last forever, but remember, that is something temporary. Once it goes away you will feel better. It may not be ideal, but it will be better than you felt during your attack. Don't give up.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts please call this number. 1-800-273-8255 We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
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